Thoughts on Jesus and Life

So I revamped the page. After I realized I know absolutely nothing about myself. I wanted to think of myself as an iceberg. I have so much underneath the surface that no one ever sees, not even myself. I have cracks and flaws...ships have run into me. I have pieces missing...from the parts I have lost. I am harsh and cold to touch. I will leave you with a burn. Some venture close but few can handle it. I have hurt many through the guarding of ice around me. I am a mass of coldness just waiting in the still quite water. A mask of tranquility for the quite beast from underneath. Icebergs do not have dreams. They do not think of fairy tales and green fields. In fact, they do not think at all. They are a mindless slab of ice. I do not have dreams. I do not think of fairy tales and green fields. When I think, I am wrong. And this is the abysmal part of me, the evil that lurks beneath the surface. Like a glacier I have drifted away from the one I love.

So I have not written in 5 years! Ok not that long, but no really, it's been about 3 months. I am actually in the midst of writing my final paper for undergrad. It is going to be 20 pages long and I have 4 pages left!! YAY!! I am most happy that I will never have to be apart of Crichton again, although I will miss Dr. Jenkins classes. My favorite teacher has now left and I am thinking of going to Texas just so I can sit in on a few of his classes. I am in the process of trying to take prep courses for my GRE and then I will be applying for Grad school for next Fall! WHOO HOO!! Super Excited about that, I miss history classes already. I found out an interesting thing about myself, I am a Historical Sociologist. I am pretty sure I made up that term. It means that I like learning about people and cultures more than dates. My paper really helped bring it out as well. SUBJECT CHANGE! Sooo....Nathan is in South America and I had a terrifying experience in the car yesterd...

Here you go Surrogate Mother. I know you have been waiting for a post. This is not the one from Shiloh. I'm still working on that one. Broken glass on the ground so easily swept up and discarded. But instead could it be restored and become new? A new window to see life through? You see through the pain. It is your understanding. Your new perspective. There may be cracks and fractures but they are remembrances. But it is not easily forgotten. You will carry the scar for the rest of your life. It is hard to move on. To pick up where you left off. The shattered glass has afflicted you. And the repairing of the window does not make it whole. Your world will never be the same. It cannot go back to the way it was. But you can change. You can carry evidence of your pain. But you can also look through that splintered glass. You have grown and learned. Now you can start a new journey. One that hopefully takes you home. Yours, Just Jess

My heart is aching right now. One of the children who survived the Lester killings was found with "a knife protruding from his head". Another child's fingertips were cut off. The police think this was done to the children in order to torture the father.....what did they ever do? Five children who had a future. Five children who someone could have loved, who were loved. I can't breathe. I'm light headed. I am at school and as I was walking to the library I saw the scene from The Butterfly Effect, where the father is exploiting the children sexually. WHY!?! They hurt everyday!!!! With no regard to thier own lives adults make decisions everyday that effect them for the rest of their lives, or terminate their lives completely. Whether or not it's a physical death, children die everyday from our words and our actions. It's at times like these that I believe our father will rescue them and bring them to Him. Into The West Lay down, your sweet and ...

Ok...so I have had an emotional, wonderful day. First Nathan's mom is recovering wonderfully from her surgery. I love to see God work out of hardship. She was able to walk (with the nurse's help) on the very night after her surgery! She is now being put on liquids. The second thing that happened today is that I had my last official basketball game and I was presented as a senior. As much as I have despised this year of dancing, I teared up. After a year of wanting this dance season to be over, I was sad to leave it. This was three years of my life and now it is soon to be over (depending on the tournament). The third thing was when I was saying a prayer with my kids. We were about to go back in the gym before our performance at half-time. I was really impatient with them today and I hated myself for it. They forgave me thankfully. Anyway, as I was saying the prayer I teared up and almost cried again! And then I said, "dangit", which probably wasn't t...

I just realized today that a female shepherd is called a shepherdess....DUH! Anyway. I first have a prayer request because my little sheep (a.k.a. my Lil' Stars) are performing on Saturday at our school's Basketball game. I just hope they all can attend and have fun! I just learned recently about all the things that were going on in Denmark. I did not realize it was so bad, thank you American News for informing us. I was upset and I didn't know how to handle finding out about everything. If you don't know, Denmark as been having problems with the local population of Muslims. I felt close to being racist, but the evidence was in front of me that this people group had done awful things to the Danish people. I know that is a very general statement. The point is I didn't know how to face this as a Christian. But luckily I listened to God when he chose to speak through Jon's writing. Jon wrote a devotion on his Jesu Juva site about distractions and God. I...

I know I wrote alot on the past one and I apologize for that. I find, also, that I still need to work on my coherency. Thank you guys for reading. Yours, The Shepherd